Sunday, December 03, 2006

been a long time since i've posted something here... life seems to have changed so much since the last post.. at least one indication that life's moving :)
increasingly realizing that life has a destination... this day to day living seems to be just a filler. there's a growing sense of uneasiness about the way life is moving, now that i've figured out the pattern. there are days when work keeps one on a high and sufficiently occupied to not think about anything else - 'am too busy' is the standard explanation one gives onself. then come those days when either work goes down, an emotional tie gets strained or suddenly, out of the blue, things stop working for you. in those few days, the philosophical self seems to suddenly wake up and everything feels meaningless, questions are raised about the way life is going... but well, come the next cycle and suddenly all the doubts vanish into thin air and life is normal again till the next drop.
what are we doing? why is there a constant emptiness in life? there are things one gets passionate about - some people are passionate about their jobs, some have hobbies and some are passionately in love. over time the passion fades, the enthusiasm wanes and things look bleak.
we all know there is a bigger purpose to life. but what is it? i know its different for us all. some poeple find purpose in charitable works, some find it in expression of some kind of art, and for a lucky few their jobs lead to satisfaction and a purpose.
what am i here for? will i just keep looking for the bigger purpose and never find it? will life be a constant roller coaster of emotional upheavels?
something just doesn't feel right. why aren't we taught about this stage in school? why aren't we prepared for life instead of being prepared to be a doctor or an engineer?
praying seems to help in these times, but sometimes one wonders what's the right question to ask our good lord up there?